I'm So Tired of Feeling
by ArmyBratMa
Summary: This is a version of my actual life taken and turned into a PPG story from Blossom's perspective. This is all true and did really happen to me, so it is basically a memoir. Please review, but hateful comments would only hurt me more.
1. Prologue: A Snapshot of My Life

My life has always been easy. I've never been alone. Friends and family have always surrounded me and I've always had a steady step when I walked through my life. I never expected going into middle school would be so difficult. Elementary school had been an easy subject to deal with and talk about in my life. I had good grades, nice teachers, and supportive friends throughout my early years. Just the thought of losing all of that seems impossible. It never occurred to me that I would wake up from that perfect dream of my life. It never occurred to me that this fairy tale life as some people would say was just in my head and that it would all end soon. Most people who I knew had easy lives like me. They never experienced pain like bullying or loss. I always thought everyone's lives were like that. I experienced reality in sixth grade. I never knew that everyone had issues of his or her own, until I discovered the true meaning of middle school.

When someone says they have a hard life, you often take it as sarcasm. I always took it that way. I never saw the other side of the spectrum, the side full of fear, sadness, and anguish. I saw only the colorful rays of sunshine gleaming through my windows in the morning or the crystal water sending sparkling reflections off into my hazel brown eyes. I've always had a perfect life, one with good family and friends who I cherish greatly, I never believed that it could all turn upside down. I never thought my fantasy life could change to a nightmare any child would fear greatly, being different. Nobody wants to be excluded, or picked on, or stabbed in the back by the people you loved and thought that they loved you back. I was put down every single second of the year, I just didn't realize when things could never get any better. The emotion that went through me that year was unrecognizable and forever changed me into something I never wanted to be again. I regained confidence in my lifetime, I never wanted to go back to who I would soon become. I wanted to be more than the shy girl or the different person. I am a human being and I should be treated like one. I like talking to people and learning about the world, but not when all I get in return are evil glares, put downs, and a broken heart. In this autobiography about my sixth grade school year, I tell you my side of the story, how I cried myself to sleep every night, how I stood up for what I believed in, and how much courage I had to stand up to the people I trusted, my friends.

I feel empty, forgotten, alone.  
I feel like I was punched in the chest.  
I feel trapped in darkness, never able to escape, imprisoned in my own mind.  
I feel nothing except the tears stinging my eyes, the gaping pain in my heart, and the ache in my head telling me to give up on everything.  
Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.  
I'm stuck and unable to leave this despair.  
I'm lost in the black and blinded by it.  
I can't see where my life and I are going or even control it.  
Depression hurts,  
I can't see it, I can't stop it from consuming my life and I entirely.


	2. Chapter 1: First Day of School Worries

Waking up this morning was difficult. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want my summer to end just yet. I wanted to stay wrapped in my cocoon of blankets with my dreams slowly disappearing. I wasn't ready to let all my summer fun disperse. I could recall the warm breezy days where I would swing on the playground swing set with my friends. Our long hair blowing out behind us as we laughed and soared rhythmically together. I remember soaking in the baking hot sun in the afternoon beside the pool, laying on the beach towel splayed on the scorching hot pavement. I remember diving into the clear, calming pool and feeling the water dripping in beads off the ends of my hair. I never wanted the days to end, the final days to come to a short close, but of course I needed to get up and get dressed. Of course I needed to get on the bus and get to school. Nobody would want to get up at 6:30 in the morning to go to school, but after thinking all this through, I was ecstatic about my first day as a sixth grader.

After minutes of taking all this in, I slipped out of my warm bed covers and opened up my curtains. Even though it was early, the sunlight glowed and bore into my bedroom. I stared out the window and gazed at the city below me. We lived in an apartment on floor 8 of the 9 in the apartment in a complex called Seri-Hening in the middle of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Malaysia is located in South-East Asia, a part of Asia right below China. My family was American and my mother and father both worked at the US Embassy right down the busy street we were settled on. Since we were a military family, we moved around a lot. I had lived in six different places but had seen many more on family vacations. By the age of 10, I had probably seen more than 30 places in my lifetime. We spent more time overseas than in the US. I had only lived in the US three times and for a shorter time period than the other places. We'd lived here in Malaysia for about 2 years with 1 more year left. This last year was going to be the best. Even though I didn't want summer to end yet, I had been crazy excited for becoming a middle school student all summer long. My friends and I were going to be going to a new campus. The school I was enrolled in was called ISKL (The International School of Kuala Lumpur) and it is the largest school I had ever been to. Not only that, but it had over 50 nationalities packed elementary, middle, and high school. The elementary school campus was separate from the middle and high school campus. So not only would I be going to a new campus, but I would be going to a new campus with high school students. So this morning, I had to admit I was a little nervous, but still super crazy about it.

After searching the already heavy with traffic- filled streets, I hurried to my closet. I ripped open the wooden doors and pulled out my uniform from the drawers. The school uniform was a pair of navy colored shorts with a light blue shirt with 2 buttons going up my chest to a collar around my neck. I pulled on my blue converse shoes and stared in my mirror to examine myself. My red hair reached down my skinny but muscular back and my skin color matched well with my hair since it was pale. With wide, luminous, pink eyes and extremely long eyelashes that framed them, my eyes were incredibly gorgeous. To me, my eyes were the prettiest part of my slender face. My lips were puffy and full, the color of baby pink with a long narrow nose with a tiny bridge. My eyebrows matched the color of my hair but were long and rounded. In my opinion, I looked natural, I had no make-up, no straightened or curled hair, no extra jewelry. I looked pretty, or decent. Most girls think they have to do everything to make themselves attractive, but the best me I can be is natural. After admiring myself in the mirror, I padded off down the hallway where I smelled breakfast.

I came in through the glass door that entered through the dining and living room. The dining room held a large wooden table with elegant, asian designs carved into the wood. The table had 8 chairs around it and we had a buffet table and bar rack to the side of the wall. The living room had our personal couches and sofas with a large flat-screen TV. Our kitchen was quite large compared to our past kitchens in our rented homes. It had wooden cabinets and wrapped around the walls. It featured a double sink with 2 ovens with all stainless steel appliances. No way we could afford this house anywhere else. The first thing I saw was mom cooking up some eggs and making toast for my little brother.

My brother's name is Mitch and he is four years younger than me. He was going into second grade this year. He was as excited about school as I was. My mom was as well. He and my mom both had brown hair and long, narrow lips. Mitch had blue eyes and my mom and brown. Another between their similar features was their noses. In fact, my mom was the only one with a rather large nose that stuck out. We all at times tease her about it. Mitch has really dark, tanned skin that makes him look like he was adopted by us. My mom has tanned skin too, but not as dark due to living in Hawaii for 3 years and constantly being in the sun.

This morning, my mom's hair was in a ponytail to prevent her short hair getting in her sensitive face. She was wearing a worn out t-shirt with holes splayed across the stretched out fabric with some very baggy pants and her cozy slippers that were loud when she shuffled across the floor. My brother on the other hand wore the same top as me but with longer shorts the same color as my shorts. His hair was short but messy and he had his collar of his shirt scrunched up. I felt my stomach grumble as I entered the room.

"What do you want for breakfast?" my mom asked me.

"I'll make my own breakfast thanks," I said as I walked over to the fridge and got out the milk. I also got out the cereal in the pantry. I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat down across from my brother. We sometimes got along and sometimes we nagged each other until mom or dad tears us apart. This morning we got along since we were both giddy about school. I ate as my brother worried out loud about his small issues that could happen at school.

"What if my teacher doesn't like me? What if my friends aren't all in my class" What if..." my mom cut him off.

"Just do your best today. Don't worry too much. That goes for you too," my mother said while looking at me in the eye.

I just nodded and went back to eating my cereal quietly. I tried to focus on the floating pieces of mini wheats draped in milk. I tried, but I was really excited and I just wanted to leave for school. I wondered what my sister was worried about. What if those things happen to me? I was interrupted when my dad came into the kitchen wearing his uniform for work. He was wearing his plain white dress shirt with cuffs and a stiff collar buttoned up his neck. He had on black dress pants with a black belt with a silver buckle to keep himself looking professional. His fancy black shoes scuffed and clicked while he walked across the granite flooring. My dad was quite short but muscular with buzzed, dark, brown hair and eyes. He had a short stubby nose and a narrow pair of lips. He wore glasses that were rectangular shaped over his eyes.

"How are my kids on their first day of school?," he asked.

"Daddy! I am really nervous. What if..."

I ignored my brother as he began ranting again about his what ifs.

"Don't worry, everything will be fine," my dad answered.


	3. Chapter 2: Bus Jitters and More

As soon as I got on the bus, I instantly felt my body freeze. A jolt of nervousness went through me and caused me to stop in the middle of my tracks. It was as if I had a heart attack. The bus was dead silent. Nobody said a word, not one sound. I was unwilling to continue, to turn around and run off the bus, but I just got pushed through the aisle to the middle of the bus where I plopped myself down next to a random stranger. He looked to be a senior in high school since he was mature. He was sleeping with his Sony headphones quietly replaying the same drum solo into his head. He was snoring lightly against the metallic frame of the bus. I tried to relax, but I couldn't help myself but anxiously look around at the older kids. There were high school girls humming very quietly to the music they were listening to while staring out the window. Some kids were reading texts off their phones and scrolling through their messages.

There were a few kids that were around my age that were looking around too. I was shaking violently in my soft seat while whipping my head around to get a glance at my new surroundings. After a couple looks through the awkwardly silent bus, I met eye to eye with a short, black haired girl with Asian looking features. She smiled and waved at me. I was actually surprised by her sudden gesture. I smiled gently as she sat back in her chair with a totally relaxed expression on her face. I tried to do the same thing, but I accidentally hit the guy next to me. The touch startled him and he shook himself awake and gave me a glare, then closed his heavy eyelids once more. I couldn't help but fiddle with my fingers as I continued to watch what everyone was doing. I would try my best to blend in with this crowd, but I was way out of my league. This was definitely nothing like elementary school. Even though I was only on the bus for two minutes, I knew this was going to be harder than I thought.

As soon as we pulled in front of the school, I got up with shaky legs and slowly walked behind the other kids down the aisle and off the bus. They were gargantuan compared to me. I felt like a shrimp standing next to everyone, everyone except the little black haired girl I had a feeling she was in my grade. As soon as we got off the bus, I looked around and saw her hop off the bus. That's when I finally recognized her. She lived in my complex building. Her family worked at the US Embassy too. Her family just moved here, so she was new to the school. I had a flashback of when I had met her at a welcome party at the embassy. She seemed nice enough. She had a brother too. Her family seemed nice as well. Then I remembered her name, which was Brute.

The first half of the day was all right. I got to know Brute a little more as the day progressed. She was more of a Tomboy type of girl. She liked wolves and felt very strongly about video games. I liked her sense of humor and her personality. She was different and I liked that. We both moved around a lot so that made me feel more comfortable. Her family had an American background and a Korean background. I couldn't have been happier when my friends Brat and Berserk approved of her too. Brat was born in Malaysia but had an English background. I had known her since the fifth grade. She was always quiet until she began talking to me. She had long, thick, blonde hair that went down her back. She had light skin and was extremely skinny. She had blue eyes and a long, narrow nose just above her long lips. Berserk on the other hand, was American like me. Her mother was American but her father was Indian, so they also had an Indian background. She had light skin with dark pink eyes. Her hair was shorter than Brat's but longer than mine and was red with bangs above her eyes. She was as skinny as a twig too. She was always outgoing and crazy. That's why I liked her. We were all different, but we got along. That's the thing about friends, you never know who you'll meet and who you'll trust.

Towards the middle of the day, all the sixth graders were headed to the theater. The school was finally giving us orientation. We were rounded up like cattle as we made our way through the double doors. Berserk, Brat, Brute, and I walked into the auditorium together and made our way through the dark room. We found 4 seats in the middle of the room and sat down together, whispering quietly amongst ourselves before the principal walked on the stage. I tried to remain focused, but I was too excited about the orientation. Eventually, after his brief welcome, a bunch of students walked on stage wearing neon, green shirts. Each one of them talked about their sixth grade year, how different and fun it was. I remember one student in particular. He said that one of the first things that change are friendships. This news shocked me. I couldn't even think of a time where I lost a friend or I didn't want to be their friend anymore. That was unimaginable. I knew this statement didn't apply to me, I would never lose my friends.

The second half of the day had gone downhill. My PE locker was giving me issues, so I was late for class. It wouldn't open and I had to run back in forth between the main office and my gym locker three times. Most of my teachers were nice, but the classes themselves were all really boring since they were all starting off with introductions. But that's not why it was so bad. Sure, my first day could have gone better, but throughout the day, I had noticed that Brat and Berserk were ignoring me most of the time. They would still talk to me, but they pretty much excluded me. So when I got home and my mom asked me how my day went, all I said was that it was fine. Then I walked to my room and shut the door behind me without another word. Was that one student right? Could I lose my friends?


	4. Chapter 3: Change in Heart

Over the next few weeks, I thought more about the past few changes. Brat and Berserk were as close as ever. They were bonding so much recently. I still hung out with them at times, but I felt really alone. I felt excluded. Whenever we had to pair up with partners, I never even had a chance to pair up with them since they were already together. Thankfully, I made some new friends on the swim team. In fifth grade, I was asked to move up to the middle school swim team since the team I was currently on at the time was getting a little too easy for me. I was always dedicated, but the pace was slow. So, I began swimming with the higher swim level in the Piranha's Swim Club. The practice was more difficult and a lot more my speed. There was no laziness or breaks, just hardcore swimming, the way I roll. I had been going to their practice five days a week for one and a half hours everyday. So everyday apart from Friday and Sunday was swimming practice. Because of all my practice, I would stay after school for a few hours and then head home at 7 pm during the week. On Saturday, I would stay for 2 hours starting at around 9 in the morning and head home at 11.

So during the week, I would leave home at around 7:10 to go to school and get home at 7:30 at night then sleep at 9 or 10. So I was busy, busy, and busy. My friends always wanted for me to come over and hang out with them even though we weren't as close as before, but I never had time. I always begged mom to let me skip practice, but it was always a no. I felt like I was drifting further and further away from them with every answer of no. I felt lonely and sad with nobody to hang out with, but I couldn't just quit the one thing I was actually good at and loved.

One morning, when I arrived at school, I saw Berserk at her locker being very quiet. She wasn't talking to anyone, just leaning against the locker. Her locker was really close to Brat's locker (we had lockers organized according to last names), so Brat would usually come later and hang out with Berserk. I would normally organize my locker a little bit each morning, and then head to homeroom which was about 15 minutes long. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone today though, yet, as I passed, her expression was grim and stern. Her neck was clenched and her hands were balled into fists while wrapped around her scrawny body. Then I remembered. At the start of the year, she mentioned that she had about six weeks left at ISKL before her family moved back to Houston, Texas. She was actually moving back to where my old friend from fourth grade moved. We were the best of friends. She was in Houston right this second and I wished she were here beside me now. Berserk may have an outgoing personality, but she comes down from her happy cloud every once in a while and gets very upset about leaving. Even though I wasn't as close to her as I used to, I still was her friend and Brat's. Berserk was leaving very soon and we all knew it. As much as it pains me to say it, I may feel relieved after her departure.

I had been hanging out with Brute for a while. We weren't as close as Brat and Berserk, but we had gotten pretty used to each other's company. I liked having her as a friend. I could trust her at any time. By now, Brat and Berserk had gotten pretty used to having Brute around them too. She was now a part of our friendship circle, but I felt like I was being excluded or almost kicked out of their group that I had created to bring us all together. If it weren't for me, Brat wouldn't be speaking to anyone. Berserk wouldn't know Brat and Brute wouldn't know them. I stitched this group into place and I was determined to keep it with me included. I couldn't leave them, not after what I had done for all of us. I took the time to fix the fights that we had even though it wasn't my fault. I took the time to give them unnecessary presents to make them happier when we were celebrating an important time. I always tried my best to keep them happy, so I could have friends, so I could depend on people. So now, after all that, I needed one thing in return. I needed their trust.

Ever since the school year had started, I felt like my world was changing. I would often just wander aimlessly through the school after school and just think. A couple of times, I would swim freely in the pool before practice and think. I would work separately from everyone else and think. All I did was expand on how much was going on, how this was happening, sometimes I couldn't even keep track of all of it. On one occasion, I ate alone, while crying in the locker room.


	5. Chapter 4: History in the Making

The news was out. The drama had finally begun. Our very first middle school dance was arriving very soon. All the girls and even the guys were jumpy about the party. Everyone was welcome with an entry fee of 10rm (Malaysian money) or about 3 dollars. Apparently the dance was maybe 3 hours long and you pretty much dance all night. You can wear whatever you want and be with whoever you want, that is including dates. Beverages and snacks were not included but were available to buy at the shop in the cafeteria. I may not have been a big social, party type girl, but my friends wanted all of us to go. So I agreed with a bit of worry in my heart. What would happen?

I'd noticed that a lot of the guys had asked a lot of the popular girls to go with them to the dance. All the girls were wondering if someone asked them and if someone did, it was all over the school. It was like a sudden change had taken place. All of the sudden, all the girls had boyfriends. Nobody had boyfriends in elementary school. We had only had crushes. I, of course didn't have a guy to go with and that wasn't a really big problem. I could care less about a guy at this point. I just wanted to let Berserk have a great dance. She was leaving in a week or so. I wanted her to have fun. It would be one of the biggest nights of her life. That was the only reason why I decided to go, to spend some time with my friends.

So, I had asked my mom to drive me there. I was wearing a floral top with skinny jeans and converse on my feet. My hair was down and was straightened. I walked in alone, nobody walked in with me. No chatty girls or laughs. It was just me. When I walked into the dance room, it was hectic. I could barely see anyone clearly since there were too many lights flashing in my eyes. The music was blaring over the huge crowd in front of the DJ and the kids were screaming. The students were all mixed in, sixth, seventh, and eighth graders. I was a nervous wreck. What if I was the only one of my friends to actually show up? What if they abandoned me in this disaster waiting to happen? I desperately searched the room for them, praying they didn't leave me alone to die from utter embarrassment.

That's when I finally spotted my friends in a small circle jumping up and down to the beat of the music. I ran over and complemented on their outfits. We were all dressed up in outfits like jeans with a funky top on. Berserk was the only one looking a little too formal. From what I saw, she was wearing a dress down to her knees with high heels on. She said her mother forced her to wear her outfit for the sake of her first dance. We all laughed and continued to scream, sing, and dance with the music. Our bodies looked so uncoordinated as the music strummed along. Our feet were no longer in perfect time, but I felt my heart jolting to the beat of the music. Adrenaline was pulsing through my veins and telling me to keep dancing no matter what. So, I listened and continued to dance for what seems like ever.

After about an hour, Berserk was beginning to complain that her feet were aching from jumping in heels. We all looked at each, thinking of a solution. We didn't want to end the fun just yet. I then told her I had spare sneakers in my PE locker, so we all headed to the locker room. As we walked through the empty part of the school, we laughed and smiled at the memories that we would now hold. As soon as I heaved open the heavy locker room door, I stalked off to my locker where I spun my combination and pulled out my shoes. Berserk was already sitting down on the benches in the middle of the locker room, so when I dropped my shoes next to her, she gratefully threw her heels off and examined her feet. Blisters were beginning to show on the edges of her feet and her heel was bright red from all the dancing we were doing. After massaging her feet for a moment, she happily pulled the sneakers over her already bruised and blistered feet. She then locked up her heels in her own locker and we all ran back to the dance. Even though it was such a small deed, I felt happy that I could help her again.

The rest of the night was awesome. We all had a blast. All the students there were dancing or were sharing conversations outside the room. Most of the music was upbeat to keep us off the ground and in the air dancing our hearts out, but there was even some slow dancing. During that time was when most of the guys danced with their dates. I was actually grateful I didn't have a date. A lot of girls were crying and making a big deal over the fact that for the majority of the dance, their dates avoided them. I would too if I were a guy. An even more dramatic event took place to making the situations even worse. I had noticed a lot of the girls were crying over their dates dancing with other girls instead of them, which in this case, it isn't right. I felt bad for the girls who left after the dance was over with smeared mascara or tear stained cheeks. I would feel angry and upset too. But, thankfully I didn't have to deal with it tonight. Although, I felt really deflated and longed for my nice warm bed. As I slept that night, I prayed that each dance would be as fun as it was that night. It felt so stupid to think this, but I felt even closer to my friends. It was almost as if I reconnected with them and they gave me another chance to be in our group.


	6. Chapter 5: Tears on the Bus

I didn't want today to come. I didn't want to sleep the night before. I have been dreading this day from day one of middle school. I didn't want to have to say good-bye. I had never been good at good-byes. I've never wished for them to come. Giving away something or someone you love is the hardest thing to do, to let go. I didn't want to let go. I wasn't ready, and my friends weren't prepared for it.

As soon as I got out of bed today, my time seemed to tick away faster and faster. As I got dressed, I felt my heart pounding harder and harder. I felt like staying in bed and crying all day, but I needed to be there and say a final good-bye. So, of course, the day went by extremely fast. In between classes, Brat and I tried to spend as much time as possible with Berserk, but all of Berserk's old friends kept stealing her away from us. Her old friends were her friends from elementary school. They were really close until her friends abandoned her to be popular. That was one reason why I reached out to her. Her friends had nothing before they met Berserk, and when they found someone better, they left her behind. Her friends were like nasty parasites. They totally forgot about her until now. Sometimes, I hated to say it, but sometimes girls can be jerks. They can be vicious and uncaring. I wanted to punch them in the face and tell them to get ahold of yourself. They wouldn't give us anytime to be with her. So, whenever we did have time with her, we tried to make the most of it. We talked about the things we used to do in the past and pranks we used to play. We talked about the dumb stuff we all did back in elementary school. We laughed together to hide our sadness for her leave. I would look at her and feel bad for what she was going through. At least when I moved, it would be at the end of the long school year. It wouldn't be as bad then as it would now. I would leave like some other 300 kids would, but if I left like Berserk, I would be the only one.

As the day finally ended, I felt my heart race. All her friends stood at the bus stop with us, waiting for her to come see us one last time before she caught her own bus. I felt the strong emotion in the air around us, we were all clearly upset and we didn't want her to leave. Standing next to Brat and Brute, I felt the sadness bouncing off between us. We weren't ready to say our final farewell. Just as the buses turned on their ignitions, we saw Berserk walking slowly over to us. She had a long face and her eyes had tears in them. As soon as we saw her, we shuffled over and held our arms out for our last sentiment. She smiled and leaned in. We gathered around her and embraced her in our best effort, then she abruptly pulled away. We all were slightly startled at her motion, but relaxed once she said she forgot her saxophone. We all let go though we didn't want her to leave our sight. I watched her as she ran back up the steps to the band locker room. I watched as her high ponytail swung back and forth, as her legs climbed the steps. As soon as she turned around the corner, I fell onto the curb. The bus attendants were loading up the buses and forcing people to get on. I wasn't going to budge, not without saying a true good-bye. It was as if Brat had read my mind.

"I'm not getting on a bus until I say good-bye," said Asha.

"Neither am I," I agreed.

Her other friends agreed to wait too. After what seemed like forever, we saw her run down the stairs with her saxophone bumping along on the stairs. She didn't seem to care. She sped towards us and grabbed each of us into one big embrace. I felt my face get puffy as my tears began to flow down my pink cheeks. I looked around at my friends and we were all giggling at how silly each of us looked. Each of us had tons of tears spilling out of their eyes and into a puddle in the very center of our circle. At that moment, I didn't care how I looked to anyone. I just focused on Berserk's last memory with us. I was touched by the emotion we were all feeling, love. After we unwillingly broke apart, she gave us each one more hug, and then walked up the stairs on her bus. I watched as the door to the bus closed then headed off in the direction of my bus, which was the last bus in the queue.

As I headed home, I rested my head on the glass window. I stared out into the street, seeing people walking through them as if it were a normal day. My heart was sinking, I felt so lost and bewildered by the event I had just witnessed. My head was spinning from the mixed emotions I felt about this particular situation. Your instinct is to cry when you lose a best friend or be at angry at the world, but I sadly felt relieved. Of course I would miss Berserk, I would miss our friendship, but in truth, maybe her leaving was a good thing. I love Berserk and her kindness, but maybe when she left, I would have another chance to bond more with Brat and we could rekindle our friendship. I, in truth, felt relieved. Right now, all I felt was weight being lifted off my shoulders. I didn't know what to think though, so I let my leftover tears fall and slip down the window. I felt them scorch my face for punishment.


	7. Chapter 6: Another Obstacle

It may seem dumb, but I was jealous. I was envious of Brat and Berserk's friendship. I was jealous of their time together. I was jealous of their bonds. I never really had that anymore with anyone except my friends back in the US. After Berserk left ISKL, I hoped that Brat and I would become closer, we would reconnect and grow from there. I wanted to become really close, but my hopes were destroyed. Of course now that Berserk was gone, Brat suddenly got attached to Brute as if I didn't exist. This made me angry. To hear them talking together and leaving me out of it. To hear them sometimes talk about me behind my own back. I considered leaving the group once and for all, but I never worked up enough courage to do so. It was unfair for me, having the only disadvantage. I was the one that got Brat talking to people in the first place. Whatever happened to that story? We used to hang out so much. Why did that have to change? I am still the same person, why did they forget about me?

Another thing that the three of us noticed, ever since Berserk left, we'd noticed that this one girl, Princess has started to follow us. We tried to avoid her, Brat, Brute, and I, but she was stalking us and barging in on our very few conversations as a group of three. We didn't really have anything against being friends with her, but we weren't best friends with her either. She was a loner at the school. Nobody wanted to be her friend. Even though I didn't particularly like her, I felt really bad for her. So, at times I would include her in our group.

In fifth grade, out teacher told us that there was a girl in another class that was pretty lonely and needed some friends. She asked us if we would be willing to take her in and make her feel more welcome, that we would try to be her friend. Berserk, Brat, and I agreed that we would try to include her in our group. So, the first few days with her were all right. She seemed nice enough. She had light skin and curly, long, red hair. She was tall and she dressed a little differently than a lot of people. Having her around was fine until she showed up one day during recess in our class. At the time, I was working on a digestive system project for class so I would finish earlier. That meant I could work on my fantasy story for class when everyone was working on their project and I could print it. The only way I would make the time was if I worked during recess. So, one afternoon, she showed up and asked what I was doing for my project. I told her that I was doing my body system project on the digestive system. She told me she didn't know what she was doing yet at all and that she needed some advice or insight on the project. I gave her some pointers, but then she asked if I could present my presentation to her. So I willingly talked about my project and went through the slides with her. I explained what each one meant and showed examples. After I finished, she said this.

"OK. I know what I am going to do for my project now,"

Then she got up from her seat and left the room. She didn't say anything about my presentation or thank me. I sat at my computer awestruck. I worried she may have deliberately copied my idea. I could have inspired her to do her project on the digestive system, but she would have said thank you for the advice or something, so I had to think she copied what I was doing. But, I still had no idea what just happened until Berserk started to speak.

"Did she really just take your idea?"

"I think she may have just copied me," I agreed while giving her a dumbfounded look.

I am very against copying and such, especially when someone is copying off of me. So this made me extremely angry. But I couldn't say she copied me unless she really did. Like I said before, I could have just inspired her, but she quickly left. After that day, she began to watch me work on my project every single day at recess. She even began sitting with us at lunch while she listened in to our conversations without saying anything.

One day, my friends decided to hide her lunch box so she couldn't eat with us. It felt cruel and inhumane, that we were treating her this badly, that we weren't letting her join us, but I agreed out of my anger for her copying my work. I look back at it now and I feel awful about it, but she came down to the cafeteria and said she couldn't find her lunch. I felt the pang of guilt pierce my heart, so I told her I would help her look. We walked upstairs to my classroom and I told her to look inside while I looked outside. We had hid it behind the sack of Guinea Pig Food (My class pets in fifth grade were guinea pigs). I told her I found it and she thanked me over and over again as we headed back to lunch.

There was also this one time when she said she didn't feel well. She didn't know whether or not she should go to the nurse or stay at school. I advised for her to go to the nurse. So she left the cafeteria while my friends came in. They were fist pumping and laughing since they were so happy that she was gone. Once they sat down, they said they saw her walk out saying she didn't feel well. I felt bad for her on the inside. I told her to go to the nurse purely because she didn't feel well, not for her not to eat lunch with us. The guilt rose up again.

So now, in middle school, she still thought that we were her friends. Nobody liked her. Not only did Brat and I hate her, Brute grew to really dislike her. My friends came up with a phony name called "Starfish" as code for Princess so she wouldn't know we were talking about her. So now we would just gossip about her right in front of her. I had to admit, this made me scared and just mean. What if we were caught? I didn't want to get into trouble for something not important. I felt guilty and hated the person I was becoming. The worst part of it was that Princess never noticed how many people were talking about her, how hurt she would be if she found out. I wanted to end it.


	8. Chapter 7: The Wheels Go Backwards

After about a month of this gossip I had come to hate, I began to notice her suspect what we were saying. She would have a pained expression on her face every time we mentioned that horrible code name. I told Brute and Brat to stop, that it was wrong. By this time, I was sick about talking bad about her and everyone around us. I hated gossiping in front of her and saying such mean things. My friends were always buddied up during an activity that was for partners. I didn't really mind being paired up with Princess since nobody else wanted to be her partner. It was actually less of a hassle. I was getting sick of trying to always be paired up with a friend. Even though I didn't really like Princess, I thought being around her was better than being with stuck-ups and gossipers like Brute and Brat. I hated it when after class was over, Brute or Brat would come over to me and say they felt so bad for me since I was stuck with 'Starfish'. Those are the little comments that made me furious beyond belief.

She was human, not an animal. If they had something to say, they should tell it to her, not stab her in the back without her knowing. I know you should only say things to them if they are nice or keep it to yourself, but gossiping about her in front of her is out of hand. She should be smart and brave enough to stand up for herself. So, to protect ourselves and Primcess, I would stand up to my friends, for someone who wasn't strong enough to face the hurricane filled with hate in their eyes.

One afternoon, after school was let out, I was in the library waiting for swimming practice to start. The library was a huge room with rows and rows of books on the shelves as high as the ceiling. I had borrowed a laptop to work on homework, plopping myself down in a chair next to my swimming friend Nina, who was also waiting for swimming practice. We started a conversation, which ended once I opened my mail. In my inbox, there was one email from Brat. I opened it and read what it said. If I had owned the laptop, I would have thrown it across the room. Since it wasn't, I balled up my fists at my sides.

It was basically a whole email gossiping about her. That was the last straw, except it was only the beginning. I knew that the rest of the year would be like this if I didn't stop it. I hit the delete button without replying, and pressed the new email icon. I quickly typed in the email address for my humanities teacher, Mrs. Keane. Out of all my teachers, I trusted her the most. I quickly wrote out a letter asking if she could meet me in her classroom the next day during our 50 minute break period that you eat lunch in. I wanted to tell her everything. I didn't want this bullying to continue. I was willing to turn my friends and I into the school dean or principal to get this to stop. Once I emailed the letter, I leaned back in my chair and let out a huge sigh of relief.

I was amazed at what I just did. I had never had that amount of courage to do anything like that before. I felt as if the weight on my shoulders was lifted entirely. I was relaxed and unbelievably surprised. I had taken a huge risk that I normally would never take. I chose a path I never would have chosen. The one thing I knew, being cowardly had suddenly disappeared. I couldn't hide what I had truly felt for the past few months any longer. I let go of my fear and jumped off the high ground. I faced my fear of falling, losing my friends, and I landed into safe hands below.

I was interrupted by a chat window popping up on my screen. My heart rate rose by 50%. It was Brat. What would I tell her? I needed her to be prepared, but she would be so upset. All my courage suddenly dispersed as soon as it came. I needed to tell her though, so I wrote back. We chatted innocently for a moment, but I got down to the point. This is what I was afraid of. She blew up on the chat window, frantically cursing and yelling in the context. I was just as angry, she did this to herself. I warned her and Brute to stop, but they didn't listen. They didn't ever care what I wanted, they never took notice of what I believed in, so now, I would do the same thing to them. Eventually, I chose to ignore her and logged out so I wouldn't have to hear her insults, pleas, or curses. Though, I would have no choice, but to hear them loud and clear tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 8: Awakening

I was walking through the hallways of my school, getting to my locker. I cradled my books in my arms, protecting my valuable memories and writing works in my walls. I kept my thoughts to myself, preparing for the pain I would face today. My stiff legs carried me swiftly through the maze of corridors, taking me around each corner to my destination. My hands were balled and my nails were cutting deeply into my tanned, scarred skin. My stomach lurched as I dug my books harder and further into my body, keeping them close to me.

I took notice of the glares and insults coming from all around me, breaking through the invisible barrier that had taken so long for me to keep up. The people were forcing cracks into my head, my walls, tearing them down as fast as they were built from the foundation of fear and sadness. I continued to gradually reach my locker. The strain the fear from the people was almost unbearable. It hurt to go on, to push past the utter sadness I felt, but. I had to stay strong, to stand up for what I wanted, to get to where I wanted to go, to end.

Tears were slowly streaming from my gorgeous brown eyes down my pink cheeks. I felt my heart break and shatter from the indescribable anguish and pain that was burning through my veins through my weakened body. I felt battered and beaten, bruised from the torture I was feeling. I was wounded and nobody was there to save me, I would heal after time, but the cuts and bruises would scar and never fade away. They would always be there to remind me of what I had felt, what I lived with and never would forget.

Once I managed to get to my locker, I pressed my head against the metal door. My fingers dug into the metallic as dents were formed from my acid tears. My heart was heaving and plummeted once I heard a voice, a soft tiny voice saying I'd failed and that was too weak to live on the way I wanted to. My knees buckled and I collapsed on the hard, cold ground. I shivered and breathed out heavy pants, my hands shaking from the fear swallowing me. It was consuming me slowly inch by inch, eating me alive while I bled out on the floor, while screaming and begging to live on and face the life I was running and hiding from.

I took my chest in my arms and hugged my skinned, knees around my changing heart. I wanted more than this, to not be a shrinking violet. I had to stand up from the dark hole inhaling me, to escape while I had the chance, to run and face the fear I was now hiding from. Slowly, while gripping the handle on my locker, I dragged my limp and aching body off the ground, nauseated from the attack I had. The fear never got the best of me, I never surrendered completely, I had one last piece of courage I protected in the center of my existence, my healing heart. Putting one foot in front of the other, I walked aimlessly down the hallway to find new hope, to find a better path, to face what needed to be overcome, to face my biggest challenge, me. It was never my friends, my enemies, my life, it was me, and I had choices to. I had power that needed to be used to help change me. I had to choose what I needed to fight for, for what was important to my very existence. That was being who I needed to be, myself.

I awoke sputtering and had hot, tears scrolling down my face. My heart was pounding at 350 miles per hour, it slowly beginning to drown in my own tears. I sat up and rested my head on the headboard. My arms hugging my skinny sides and my knees curled up around me. As my panting slowly disappeared, I began to relax after my weird nightmarish dream. I listened to the whir of my fan swirling nice cold air around my room, the cold breeze hitting my flushed skin. It calmed my nerves and allowed me to breathe more properly.

After a moment of silence, I began to wonder. Was I even doing the right thing? Should I walk away or continue with my plan? Should I risk more than my friends and their friendships? I couldn't concentrate on what I really needed to think about. What would happen to me? I wasn't disturbed or oblivious to the fact I never knew the answer. I simply laid my exhausted body back down on my warm, snug bed. I turned over on my side and closed my heavy lids, praying that it would all end in my favor. The thing is, not a lot of things end up in my favor.

I got up this morning with my heart heavy and my head on the ground, not in the sky where I could think. After I had that dream, I had been worried about school today. I wondered what would happen, how people would react. I honestly wanted to stay in bed all day and cry, let to of all my fears and to let everything I felt flow out of me. I had to go to school, to face my friends and tell them I believe in a better cause, to stand up for others and never get pushed into the ground.

The bus ride was awkward. I sat next to an eight grade girl and she was listening to music. I sat there, staring out the window. Even though I didn't see Brute, I knew she had glares boring into my back. I could tell they were piercing through my heart. I assumed she already knew what I told Brat before. My heart was swelling up with guilt and my head was spinning from the agony speeding through my head, conflicting and confusing me about what to do. My hands were gripping my backpack sitting in my lap so hard, that my knuckles were pure white. Eventually and thankfully, we pulled up to the school. Kids were already filing through the hallways, getting ready for class. As soon as the bus pulled up to the sidewalk and it's doors opened, I jumped up from my seat and sprinted down the aisle, pushing people out of my way to get to my only exit.

My legs were propelling me through the large groups of students, bumping into some as I went. They gave me evil looks and fortunately turned back to their normal and boring conversations without giving me any trouble. I missed those normal and boring conversations. Why did things turn upside down? I kept turning corners, racing through the corridors to my locker, continuing while peeking over my shoulder to see if Brute was following me. I didn't see her, but she was stealthy. She could be hot on my trail and I wouldn't know it until it was too late.

When I got to my locker, my legs were aching and my heart was telling me to leave or run away to the locker room, where I always hid. But I stayed put where I was and continued to tidy up my locker. I moved my binders around and reorganized them even though they were already neat enough. I carefully looked behind me and saw the door to the classroom that I would spill the beans in later this afternoon. I was as nervous as heck. What would I say? My thoughts were quickly interrupted and I whipped back around as some girls who were chitchatting vigorously passed by without giving the slightest notice of my existence. At school nowadays, I was really quiet and tended to be invisible. I remained quiet as I continued to organize my books into neat piles until I turned to my right where Brute stood. She gave me one long, dangerous glare then spoke. I will never forget what she said.

"You're a big fucking jerk and you know it".

She quickly walked past me down the hallway to the lunch place I used to sit at. Her fluid movement scared me. Those words meant very little to some people, but my friend said that to me. I looked back down at my locker and closed my eyes. I felt like crying right there, in the middle of the hallway, but if I was them, I would've said the same thing. What was I thinking? How could I betray them that way? My thoughts were blurry and confusing as I tried to sort through my head. I couldn't put the thought anywhere. Would it go in the truth or betrayal file cabinet? I honestly didn't know what to do? So I left the horror memory floating on the floor of my head without a label. Everything in my head needed a label otherwise I would remain lost and unsure about what move I needed to make next. Do I run and hide, or do I walk past Brat and Brute with my head held high? I couldn't make up my mind.

After standing at my locker for a few more moments, I felt someone or something tap my shoulder. I shivered at the light contact and slowly turned me head. I looked around and found only a girl patting my shoulder. It was Robin. I introduced her late into this story since she made her mark right here, right now. This year, she was in a lot of my classes and she had gotten close with all of us. She helped us get through a lot of our issues and helped me get my mind straight. Even without saying anything, she already made me feel better. She proved to me that I wasn't alone in this, that there were people at my side. She already knew what was going on and she understood.

Earlier this year, she went through a tough time with her own family. They were fighting and her brother was fighting too. One time, before Math class, during our 10-minute break in between classes, she asked me if I could come to the bathroom with her. I followed her into the room and she burst into tears. She collapsed onto the tiled floor and sobbed. I leaned down and put my arm around her, with her head laid on my broad shoulder. It didn't seem like I helped her that much, but she said I comforted her. We held each other in our arms and she cried for a long time. We got to class 10 minutes late and she used an excuse that she couldn't find her contact. I still remember that day because in front of people she is strong and courageous, but she is really scared and upset about her personal life. I was there for her when she needed me so to return the favor, she supported me, she was the only real one to give me a shoulder to cry on. The thing is, she never needed to since that's what real friends are for.


	10. Chapter 9: The Meeting

I finished eating lunch later that afternoon and walked down the hallways by myself. It was really sad to know that my own friends could turn against me in a matter of seconds. I trusted them with every bit of my heart and they took advantage of me. Ever since I was little, I had always been shy and quiet. When I went to play groups as a toddler, I would never play with anything or anyone until after it was over. I like to get to know people before I even talk to them, to know their personalities. If I don't feel comfortable around them, then I avoid them. Even when I was around five, I was shy. When I lived in Pittsburgh, PA, I lived really close to a park. We went almost everyday and I attempted to make new friends. A lot of kids wouldn't even talk to me because I was new to the neighborhood and they already had friends. So, eventually, we stopped going to the park. I've always been afraid of meeting new people, only speaking when I am spoken to or ordered to. I close up and hide in my shell like a hermit crab.

I felt my baby pink eyes beginning to water as I turned corner after corner, hallway after hallway. I wanted to get this over with. All I needed was closure and my life as a sixth grader to start over. I just wanted to meet with my most trusted teacher and get some guidance back to fix this chain reaction problem. I turned down the long, narrow corridor leading to the sixth grade locker area with my hands stuffed deep into my short shorts. I kept my head down to prevent the tears from being seen. My long hair kept the outside world out of my face so I could think. Without looking up, I felt the glares from Brat and Brute burn deep into the small of my back. As they walked by while whispering to one another, I made my escape by running full speed ahead to the classroom that was waiting for me to enter. While staring up at the huge, brown door looming in front of my pain stricken face, I felt my hands tremble terribly as they slowly reached for the metal doorknow. I stood in front of that door, watching it as it sized up on, getting larger by the moment. With all my sadness, embarrassment, and pure rage, I heaved the door open and stepped into the room.

At first, I clenched my arms once the icy air touched my skin, but then I relaxed as the cool mist enveloped me with its open arms. The coolness refreshed my burning skin and calmed my prickly nerves. The room was large with posters of literature up on the walls. There was a Smartboard in the front of the room and the windows let the brilliant white light into the dusty room. I gave a loud, but gentle sigh at the cool, refreshing breeze that swept through my tangled hair. After a few moments of total regeneration, I pulled the closest chair out from under the table and laid my rigid face against the desk. My hair splayed over my cheeks and hid my shaky features, allowing tears to roll down my cheeks once more. I took in deep breaths and let out exasperated bits of air that were struggling to remain even. My heart was pounding so fast my ears hurt and I could feel my whole body trembling against the plastic desk chair. All I needed to do was wait until the truth was told. I wouldn't leave here without the truth being told.

It had been about 10 minutes and my teacher still hadn't shown up. She was on her lunch break, so she might still be eating. I couldn't stay for long since Brat and Brute would find me and confront me again. I couldn't face them now, they would see how weak and desperate I was. So I would give her a few more minutes. I noticed by now, many students looked into the windows and gave me a puzzling look. Whoever knew me knew I wasn't a troublemaker and that I was an A student, so I probably looked a little weird sitting in a classroom with my head down during break. I tried my best to ignore them, but I struggled with the fact that I could mess up more of my life by doing this. I didn't need anymore attention than required and this was way out of the ordinary. I had nothing left to lose except my sanity, and I wouldn't lose that to Brat and Brute's pride. I couldn't let that happen no matter the risk. It was the last thing left for me to have pride in, I didn't want to lose my savior.

After a few more minutes, I heard the door creak open. My body bolted straight up at the sound of the door and I shuddered at who just walked in. All I saw at first was Brat and Brute, but with someone else. It was Robin. She stood in the front and gave me a sincere, apologetic look. I had a quivering feeling in my chest as Brute opened her mouth to speak. I listened intensely as she said what she had to say. I wanted to hear it, but I didn't care. I just wanted them to get the heck out of my space and leave me alone to be miserable and be my desperate and pleading self, and I didn't want an audience who would taunt me. She drifted the conversation towards me and started accusing me of stuff I didn't do.

She was talking about the emails they thought I wrote. They claimed I called them nasty names and said terrible things, but from my personal email, not my school account. The thing is, I never used it. I can't even remember my password or username. After telling them it wasn't me, they still didn't believe me and when a friend doesn't believe your telling the truth, then they don't trust you. Like I said, trust is key in a friendship and this was one of the reasons why this friendship was falling apart faster than when we built it from the ground up. I forced back a growl at her accusation. I wanted to rip the two of them to shreds, to claw their tiny heads off or rip out their hateful hearts.

I was interrupted from my vicious thoughts when the door opened and a student walked in on us yelling at each other.

"Get out," I screeched. I didn't care how rude I sounded at that moment. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I was about to lose it.

"I'll just go into the other room," he said urgently as he speed walked to the other room next door. I turned to my friends after he shut the door behind him and began to defend myself.

"You two shut up. I'm trying to do what I think is right," I sneered through my teeth.

Tears were flooding my eyes and my petite lips trembled from the amount of emotion coursing through my aching body. I wouldn't let them push me down anymore. I had enough of this nonsense and their unbelievable and regrettable lies. They were accusing me of what I was doing and said I was wrong and that I should forget this whole issue. They said they would stop if I left this problem unfixed.

"No, you won't stop bullying her. I am trying to protect her," I stated once again.

I was annoyed to the point of exhaustion and I was done with their stupid games. By now, tears were gushing down my cheeks and my face was bright red, the color of crimson. My vision was blurry and my hair was wild from me pulling on it. I couldn't take this anymore, so I looked down as I left the room, tempted to tackle them. As soon as I left, I ran to my hiding place, where nobody would find me.


	11. Chapter 10: The News Isn't Good

I rode to school a week later with sadness written all over my face. I couldn't believe this was happening. I wasn't anywhere near ready to say good-bye. I sat by myself today and stared out onto the rainy streets of Kuala Lumpur. My hands were twisting awkwardly in my hands, the strain making me wince in pain. My long hair protected my face from the other students, not seeing me knit my eyebrows as my eyes dripped two innocent tears onto my lap. My sullen eyes were full of depression and fear of the unknown. How could I deal with the news and my issues at school? I already had enough weight resting heavily on the shoulders with barely any strength left to spare. I felt Brute's eyes rest on my back, the dark glare scaring me and making me cringe with fright. Though I didn't see her, I felt like she was there even if she wasn't. I felt like every movement of mine was being watched no matter where I was.

As soon as I hopped off my bus, I slowly climbed the stairs to the middle school side of the building. I passed stairwells full of kids and walked aimlessly through the hallways until. I reached my locker. Aware of my surroundings, I carefully twisted my combination and opened the door. I quickly unpacked my 50 pound bag and locked everything up except my books. I stood there, staring at the wall and slid down the face of my locker, listening to the awful screeching sound as until I hit the concrete. I leaned my head back and took in deep breaths, grateful the long hallway was empty. I felt like crying, but not here, not exposed like this. After a long moment of silence, I scurried to my unsteady feet and began walking to the locker room until class started.

I didn't even hear Robin come up behind me until she tugged hard on my arm. My head whipped around to face her solemn face. I hadn't fully spoken to her since the encounter with the meeting into the classroom. She gave me a long hard stare and sensed my sorrow. I looked back into her light blue eyes and let out a huge sigh. I finally took in a deep breath and recalled the news I just received this morning from my father.

We were moving early.

I recovered from the small note left pinned to my frontal thoughts and let out a small burst of a giggle, though I was truly depressed from the news. As much as I hated Brat and Brute, I didn't want to leave ISKL, swimming, and Robin. It was home and I never wanted to leave, but I was going to, and I needed her to know more than anyone. With a final breath, I let the phrase slowly and softly flow out of my mouth to her wondering ears. As soon as I finished telling her the distressful news, her eyes widened dramatically. Her face changed from wonder to fury. I felt bad for everything I had caused her to go through because I wasn't strong enough without her, so I felt worse since she was the first to hear the distasteful words. She looked down at her feet and rocked back and forth on her heels while she spoke. I wouldn't blame her for not wanting to look at me either. After a moment of her silence, I felt a tear slowly sliver down my cheek, the salt burning my already puffy cheeks. I embraced her and she hugged me back. We stood there for what seems like forever.

Eventually, Brat and Brute found out. They tried to sound genuine, but it was so fake. They wouldn't miss me one bit. I wouldn't miss them either. Most people who found out were sad and felt bad for me, but I honestly didn't care. I was sad to leave but I was looking forward to going back to the US in about two months. I would see my family and old friends. I was dying to see Jordan, my best friend. I had known her since I was three and we have always loved each other like sisters, always there through thick and thin she was. I felt bad because I never emailed her since I was so busy. I always regret never talking to her, but she still misses me, but not as much as I miss her.

The only downside was the reason why we were leaving early. It was because of my father's placement in his job. He wouldn't be living with us for a year. He was deploying to one of the most dangerous places for American's, Afghanistan. I mean, I shouldn't complain, Jordan's dad has deployed several times and she is one of the most spirited people I will ever meet, but I was still miserable from the news. I would miss him more than he would ever know.

That afternoon, before swimming practice, I hid in the corner of the locker room. I was alone since all the athletic after school activities had already started. I was grateful since all I needed was to cry and let everything I felt out. My tears fell quietly to the floor and my sniffles were silent though I felt like I would explode. I've never had a good singing voice, but singing helped me think. One of the most inspirational songs I knew was one that I sang all the time, The Climb by Miley Cyrus.

**The Climb - Miley Cyrus**

**I can almost see it.  
That dream I'm dreaming, but  
There's a voice inside my head saying  
You'll never reach it  
Every step I'm takin'  
Every move I make  
Feels lost with no direction,  
My faith is shakin'  
But I, I gotta keep tryin'  
Gotta keep my head held high**

**There's always gonna be another mountain  
I'm always gonna wanna make it move  
Always gonna be an uphill battle  
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose  
Ain't about how fast I get there  
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side  
It's the climb**

**The struggles I'm facing  
The chances I'm taking  
Sometimes might knock me down, but  
No I'm not breaking  
I may not know it, but  
These are the moments that  
I'm gonna remember most, yeah  
Just gotta keep goin',  
And I, I gotta be strong  
Just keep pushing on, 'cause**

**There's always gonna be another mountain  
I'm always gonna wanna make it move  
Always gonna be an uphill battle  
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose  
Ain't about how fast I get there  
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side  
It's the climb**

**Yeah**

**There's always gonna be another mountain  
I'm always gonna wanna make it move  
Always gonna be an uphill battle  
Somebody's gonna have to lose  
Ain't about how fast I get there  
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side  
It's the climb**

**Yeah, yeah yeah**

**Keep on movin'  
Keep climbin'  
Keep the faith baby  
It's all about, it's all about the climb  
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa, whoa, oh.**

By now, my tears were flooding through my eyes, I no longer had any control over them, so I let them come, I let them consume me and I cried until swimming practice started.

I watch them march,  
I watch them salute,  
I watch them raise up the sun of red, white, and blue.  
They wear the colors of the forest,  
Green and brown.  
They proudly wear the Stars and Stripes on their guns made for peace and protection.  
With hearts of gold and faces of strength,  
They raise their guns and salute to the dawn of freedom and love.

We wear the colors of the US with pride,  
Wearing it wherever we go,  
We are strong and colorful.  
With different shades and different beliefs,  
We are a symbol of change, beauty and freedom.  
We represent strength, courage, and sacrifice,  
To the country and to the people.  
We stand firmly together as one,  
Never divided, never separated.  
Those who've stood with us are our heroes,  
Now and forever.

The colors of Old Glory fly high,  
The fireworks blast high above Lady Liberty's head.  
Like color in the sky,  
The shine like the end of today,  
The start of a new tomorrow.  
The colors flash across the pitch black skies,  
With the shining stars and city lights guiding us on our way.

Our country made by the leaders of today,  
And the soon to be heroes of tomorrow.  
Protected by you and the people,  
We thank you for our independence and rights.  
Saviors you are,  
We invite you to be our guardians of the colors which stand for the dawn of hope,  
The dawn of freedom.

For me, I see light,  
Light in the skies,  
Our hearts light up the dark sky sewn to the land of the many,  
They twinkle and shine,  
Our true American heroes live up there,  
Their noble hearts painted and splayed through the night,  
Their knowing eyes searching our souls for hate and despite,  
They protect our lives with their honorable souls.  
The salute to the dawn of freedom.


	12. Chapter 11: A Night to Not Remember

After the past couple of weeks, my friends and I were still fighting. We would barely talk to each other, but I kept receiving threats over my email from them and an anonymous person with all our initials, APAL. A friend of Robin's had abandoned her and took sides with Brat and Brute. Her name was Portia and I hated how she left Robin like Brat and Brute left me. Robin didn't want to take sides, so she was in the middle, the peacemaker. I was alone. I had wanted to try to fix this before I left, but I was having a lot of difficulty.

Within those weeks, a dance was coming up. Of course I didn't want to go at all. I just wanted to stay home and read. After long hours of convincing, they talked me into going to the stupid dance. In my case, I hoped that by going to the dance, at least our status as enemies would change to a truce. However, on the night before the dance, my mom had told me that we were driving Brute to the dance. I tried to sound happy about it, but I couldn't help but worry. Of all people, she decided to help Brute get there, the person I wanted to stay away from. The world was going to end the next night, help was all I prayed to God for the night before.

The next day was hectic at school. Everyone was so excited about the dance. That was all everybody talked about. People wanted to know who was wearing what, who was going with who, and who to hang out with. I regretted agreeing to go, I most certainly didn't want to go, but we had to take Brute and it was a chance to do something fun for a change, although I highly doubted it. People would be laughing, singing, and dancing and I would sit in the corner watching the world and time pass incredibly slowly.

After school, I stayed in my room picking out an outfit for the dance. I honestly didn't care, but I wanted to show off my new dress I got at the Christmas Bizarre. I pulled my red dress with black ribbon around the waist off the hanger and pulled it over my head. I carefully zipped up the thin fabric and set it where I wanted it to go. I had a black mini coat for the top, which lined up perfectly with the dress. I straightened my hair and wore mini heels for my shoes. To not have an awkward evening with my friends, I brought a chocolate bar for my friends. It was corny, but I was willing to try anything to make the night easier. I just wanted it to be over with. Now, all I had to do, was wait for Brute to arrive.

As soon as Brute arrived at my house, I felt my body tremble. I was so nervous about what she would think of me. The doorbell rang majestically throughout the echoey house and my mom rushed to the door. She turned the handle and Brute appeared behind the door. She gave me a small smile and stepped into our entrance. My mom left us to quickly get dressed and I led her slowly to my room. I gently pushed open my door and directed her inside. We didn't say a word. The awkward silence made me feel even more nervous than before. We simply just stared at each other until my mom was ready. When she finally popped her head in, I let out a huge sigh and we left for the dance.

The ride to the dance was pretty silent and I sat staring out he window. I wished that the dance had already ended. I pulled at the hem of my dress and tapped my heels on the floor of the car. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brute anxiously staring out the window too. Once we arrived, we jumped out of the car and Brute ran right away looking for Brat. I walked by myself to the dance room and stood awkwardly in the corner. I watched as the whole middle school sung and danced along. I tapped my feet to the rhythm, but did nothing else. I didn't feel like dancing, I wasn't in the mood and I never would be. Students were laughing and dancing together until they noticed me staring into my own thoughts.

After about a half an hour had passed, I saw Brat and Brute come in with Robin. The three of them were dancing in a circle while jumping to the beat of the music. I slowly walked over to them with my jaw taut and my hands in balls. I was trying so hard to stay even a little calm, but seeing them made me want to start a fight. Robin saw me and smiled excitedly as she pulled me into the dance. As soon as I started dancing, my anger went to the back of my mind. We all began to laugh and jump around to the lively music. My life felt normal for that one moment, my heart was racing faster than a shooting star, faster than a race car, but it ended once we all headed outside to let our feet rest.

My feet were aching and I felt blisters beginning to form on the back of my heels and the toes where they continued to rub against the shoes. I just wanted to sit down and take a nice deep, refreshing breath before anything. Once we spotted an empty picnic table in the courtyard, we all walked as a group to a picnic table and talked enthusiastically about the dance. As soon as I sat down, the tension and weight left my foot and left them tingly and light. The feeling went away and my heart was fluttering from the excitement. I finally took in my most valued breath and eased my stiff back, slouching over and messing with my sweaty hair. Brat and Brute were talking quietly to each other, which wasn't a big surprise. I sat next to Robin and answered her questions without giving them to much thought. I was focused on what could happen at any second. They could snap, I could snap, we could start fighting, who knows?

At this point, I handed them the candy bars. They thanked me but gave me an awkward smile in return. At least I had given them something that wasn't a nasty email or a mean note. At least I gave them a grift in the interest of making peace between us. They continued to eat them as I walked over to the snacks area and bought a cookie. I had a delicious chocolate chip cookie. By the time I finished my snack, we were walking back into the dance room. The four of us quickly gathered around each other into a circle and we danced like never before. We were swaying our hips and rocking out our feet to the rhythm.

I was perfectly fine until Robin pulled on my arm while dragging me outside again. She was shaking yet she wore a smile. I could see the depression in her blue eyes. I followed her through the courtyard and we sat down at the one the furthest away from the loud dance. I held her in my arms and she leaned in. I felt two silent tears drop onto my red dress, the tears sinking through the flimsy fabric and onto my skin. I hugged her close and whispered in a hushed tone, telling her it was OK. She was having family issues again and more friendship issues with Portia. I hated her guts for abandoning Robin like that. Know one knew, but tears had fallen from my eyes too.

Robin and I finally returned to the dance floor and joined in with the other girls. She cleaned up well, you would never think she was crying or upset, though she was truly broken as much as I was. We were silent, but danced like everyone else, though I really wasn't in the mood. I just wanted to leave this stupid dance and never come back. After dancing a little longer, I noticed a door, my escape. Without saying anything, I left and pulled the door open, escaping and receiving a refreshing gust of cool air. I lifted my arms and embraced the calming air, my eyes closed and my whole body shuttering from the pleasure I felt from being alone in the middle of another courtyard filled with gorgeous trees, flowers, and shrubs. My back arched when an even larger gust came, I felt like it would carry me away to somewhere safer, somewhere where I wouldn't have to hide.

I feel a flood of warmth,  
Relaxed and at peace.  
The pouring rain gets softer as it falls,  
Like silk, I feel it's smooth texture slide down my white skin.  
I instantly give a sigh of relief,  
A feeling never exposed or felt by myself.  
My peals of laughter ring like bells,  
My laughter escaping into the dark night.  
I listen as my long sun kissed golden brown hair whips out behind me,  
The wind flaring out in all sorts of directions.  
My chocolate brown eyes see the beautiful stars,  
They shine down on the luscious green earth.  
I fall,  
I fall in the grass and dip my hand in the luminous pearl colored stream lit by the stars and white moon.  
I stare up and see only sky and earth,  
Two fabrics sewn together by the horizon,  
The rivers,  
The clouds,  
The colors of blue and green.  
I watch the sky as it begins to change,  
Changing from deep blue to red,  
Orange,  
And pink.  
It's time for the sun to rise,  
The sun,  
The color of warmth.

Of course, Brat walked out and spotted me in the middle of bliss, in the middle of heaven which was where I wanted to go. Her words interrupted my moment and made me grimace at the sound of her voice. Don't some people know when to let someone be alone? Couldn't she see I was happy and living freely for a moment. The nerve of some people. I didn't want to look at her, I didn't want her to torment and interrogate me right now, I just didn't want to deal with it. Eventually, I left my peace and walked onward through the hall, Brat close behind me.

About halfway around the school, Brat finally caught up to me and began to start a conversation. I kept talking and answering questions she asked until she brought up Princess. That's when I nearly slapped her in the face. How dare she talk about her in front of me. I immediately told her to stop and that we were done talking about her. She stopped walking in her tracks and looked at me with a strange expression on her face. Her expression changed to apologetic, though it was fake. Brat and Brute were good liars. With that one look, I realized how stupid I was, I had gave into them and let go of my grudge. I couldn't believe I was actually hanging out with the people that were just against me the day before, and I thought chocolate was the answer?! How could I have fun just three weeks before moving away forever? Most people tell me to enjoy my last weeks here, but it was impossible, especially when I fall for the people who are against me. This time though, nobody was there to save me from falling, nobody was there to blame but myself. I felt the anger and fury fuming and building up in my chest. She must have noticed, since she asked if I wanted to go back.

"Are you still mad at us? Come on, you should have some fun," she said with a smile on her face while pulling me along, back the way we just came. Here's the thing, I don't go back to something I already went through. I always move forward, never stop or turn around. Then I realize, it's what I've been doing all year, letting them push me around and keep trying to fix things that are broken for good.

"Brat, how can I have fun when I'm leaving in three weeks?" I growled at her and I quickly walked away to the lockers where I would sit and cry at. I didn't care how rude I just was, but they would use me and pretend to be my friend for just a second, then would turn against me once they got what they wanted.

I walked to the locker room by myself with my arms hugging my chest. My feet carried me slowly to my destination, but I didn't care. I wanted to think about what was going on and why. My hair fell over my shoulders and my eyes had tears slipping out from them. My heart was heavy and slow, but ached with confusion about what to do. I wandered through the corridor, bumping into some people as I walked but barely took notice of it.

I reached the locker room at long last. As soon as I entered, a sense of familiarity hit me, a calm feeling. I walked to my corner and sat myself down, hugging my knees to my chest. My forehead rested on top of my knees, the pain from withdrawal from the world hit me and made me feel even more alone. A feeling of remorse shot through my veins and I squeezed my eyes at the hit growing from my heart. Sadness and depression hit my heart and I drooped over my knees. Tears began to softly fall onto the floor, my hands cupping my angelic, sad face. Then anger hit me and my hands began to shake and thrash around me, the emotion peaked and I screamed while new tears flooded my eyes. I could barely take the pain.


	13. Chapter 12: A New Friend Emerges

After the dance, I was basically worn out. My friends didn't speak to me the next day and I was pretty much by myself the whole day. I was looking forward to swimming practice since I could finally get away from the awkward loneliness. I could not only talk to my swimming friends, but I would enter the one place where I could relax without interruption.

Once school was let out at quarter to three, I headed down to the pool area to hang out or start my homework. My bag was heavy and pulled my back down. My hair was in a high bun with strands of my hair in my eyes, shielding them from the outside world. I was walking down the path through the locker area when I ran into the lifeguard. We didn't really know each other, but we knew who we were. I waved and walked to the locker room where I changed into my swimsuit. I always wore a one piece that was black. I liked to blend into the rest of the team at all times. It gained less attention which wasn't what I needed. It made me less noticeable. I was very preserved and careful about how. I looked to people, never wanting them to get the best of me or hurt me with what I give them. Never being in the center of attention hasn't given me a chance to and I'm thankful for it.

After I locked up my bag in my PE locker, I quickly strode out of the locker room with my swimming stuff in hand wearing nothing but shorts and my swimsuit. The shining sun baked my arms, my hair wild from the quiet breeze, the sound of my naked feet strutting to the pool. I liked walking around barefoot so I could feel the damp but scorching hot ground that paved the poolside. I enjoyed feeling of the warmth that surrounded my body as I walked to the benches where I usually sat. I would normally do homework there, but today I was too upset to work. As I walked to the benches, I took in my surroundings like everyday.

The pool area was closed off from the rest of the school with three long but narrow canopies above the pool. The rays of the sun lit up the brilliant crystal water. The benches were covered with a metal sheet and the office was right next to the deep end of the pool. I slowly walked over to my seat and plopped myself down on the cool, wooden benches. I just sat and stared, oblivious to the noise around me, staring at the clear sparkly water that wavered out in front of me. I felt a desire to jump into the water and swim down to the bottom where I would touch the bottom of the pool. The water pressure breaking my ears and me shooting to the surface, sputtering and laughing. I wished I could swim right at that moment and stay underneath the water that was below the world above that was full of problems. I wanted to stay where there were no worries. I thought back to the past swim meets I had been at, remembering the excitement and adrenaline building in my chest.

Flashback:

_I could feel the butterflies in my stomach on the edge of being freed. My heart was pounding as fast as a bird's wings flapping through the beautiful, clear sky that was above me. There wasn't a single white, fluffy cloud in the sky. I looked up at the brilliant, bright sun that shined directly into my hazel, brown eyes. I felt my heart speed up the moment I stood up from the chair my body sat in only moments before. It pounded once my bare feet touched the soaking, wet pavement. The chill from the cold ground sent shivers throughout my clothed but exposed body. I grasped my stomach with my shaking arms as the tremors passed noticeably through me. My swimsuit quivered as I shook violently in front of the diving block._

_I felt my raspy breath slow the moment I stepped onto the diving block. I suddenly felt at home and in my own bubble, away from the cheering spectators and away from the world of pain I was dealing and living in. I would always have another world where no worries existed or where I wasn't suppressing my obvious depression. Once my gentle fingers caressed the eve of the diving block, my hands firmly grasped he edge. I prepared my leaning stance and waited for the bell to let me jump. My heart hammered as I stared into the crystal, clear water. My body heaved from the sudden withdrawal from the world. I heard the bell ring, but didn't move. I was too mesmerized my the water._

_Once I took one last, huge breath, I dove into the water with a beautiful form. Once I touched the water, my arms pulled me up and out of he water where I surfaced, taking the first breath of the race. My arms lifted out of the water and cut through the liquid, my legs propelling me in front of the other swimmers. I didn't care where I was, just as long as I wouldn't have to leave my sanctuary again, to never leave the crystal, clear water._

End of Flashback

The sound of the gate opening interrupted my thoughts. I sat on the edge of the seat as the lifeguard walked to the office. He was short and thin with dark skin. He was local and worked here as a lifeguard for a long time. Nobody really appreciated him or talked to him. I felt bad for him, but I realized that I was in the same sticky situation as he was. We were both excluded and invisible. We were avoided and alone. I admired his strength and happiness that he felt all time. He had a kind heart and innocent soul, a human being full of love, someone God should cherish.

Just then, I felt like crying into my blistered hands from where I enclosed my hands around the bar of the pool diving blocks. I felt like pulling out my hair that was tangled all the time from swimming so long. I felt like clawing off my scarred skin that concealed my true feelings and emotions, that if I did pull it off, all my emotions would flow out of me like a waterfall. I would feel so relieved, so free. I wanted to live another life where pain didn't exist, where pain was never felt.

I recalled reading the book The Giver by Lois Lowry, how when people gave up emotions and feelings, there was nothing left to cherish or love, nobody left to care for, nobody like the lifeguard would exist anymore, and I couldn't live a life feeling painless, as much as it hurt. For me, that would mean losing the last of my meaningless life to the dark, lost, and cold hands of depression. That would mean that I would be plunged into a lonely, dark hole with no escape. I felt like I was in one right now, but I really was holding onto the branch that kept me from falling into the endless chasm of despair and sadness. I remembered that underneath my skin hiding my true self, I was just like any other girl. Every girl has issues like me. We all lose friends and gain new ones, so I figured that since I had lost everything important to me, I should make a new one with no real friends of their own. I wanted to make a difference in someone's life, someone who deserved it, someone who needed it.

I looked to my left where I saw the lifeguard reading today's paper. His head was hung over the news and read it quietly to himself. As I slowly padded across the rocky pavement, I tried to gather my thoughts. I wanted to regain a feeling that I had lost, happiness, and being loved. I wanted someone to really listen to me, someone who cared enough for my one, long lost heart. I knew he needed someone to talk to and I needed someone as well, I needed to be meaningful.

I finally reached the stool sitting next to him and I sat myself down next to him. I smiled and looked between my legs where drops of sweat dewed under my large thighs. I felt his gaze turn to me and I looked up. My heart soared when I saw him smile. His teeth may have been crooked, but his comfort warmed my heart. After I introduced myself and he introduced himself, we talked about what we liked to do and what the weather was like. We talked about the newspapers he had collected and how he had never tried any type of Hershey's chocolate.

Each word of the conversation, every sentence, every topic was relevant and meant more than the world to me. I felt needed and loved by someone I would remember and cherish forever. No matter what happened in the future to him, he would always be a savior, because that's what he does best. I felt my heart drop for him as he told me about his job, how he lost a life at the school due to being unable to save a kid from drowning. It wasn't his fault though, but he still felt guilty. I didn't want him to grieve, but he needed to. He was a kind- hearted, sweet, and special man. To me, he was a messenger from God, a loyal servant. It sounds so tacky, but I will never meet anyone as kind as he was. He taught me to love again and appreciate the world for what it was and the people in it.

We talked all afternoon until swimming practice started. I didn't even notice the time or the fact that the time flew without me noticing. There was one thing that I had paid attention to...that I had a new friend named Siva. As soon as practice was let out, alone, I walked through the school to a pond, the pond where a plaque remembering the lost child rested. It was peaceful and quiet, it was as though the child lost imprinted it's soul here, keeping it a place to be at ease. I turned away and sat at a bench near it, taking the moment in through my closed eyes.

I sit at a bench,  
Seeing a pond of green,  
Greens the colors of lily-pads with white,  
The colors of flowers and the winds of snowy,  
Frosted swans,  
Their black glossy eyes the color of my empty eyes staring at the pond of green.  
I take in the life,  
The best symphony playing aloud,  
The music of nature,  
The beautiful oriental patterned lake,  
Decorated in the hues of millions of hues,  
The hues the colors of black, white, and green,  
The hues the colors of the pond of green.


	14. Chapter 13: Homework and Some Secrets

At night is when people sleep,  
When people dream and float off into the starry sky,  
Where they dream about their secrets and desires,  
Their regrets and loves soon forgotten,  
They've been pulled away into another world,  
A world of their own.  
Sleep never comes for me,  
Tossing and turning beneath my cotton sheets causing me to lay awake,  
I think about you.  
Your beautiful eyes shining in the sun as you watch my every move.  
Your lips pulling back every time you smile revealing pearly white teeth.  
Your laugh making my stomach do flips and letting butterflies soar free.  
The butterflies soar like my heart does when I see you.

I woke up with tremors passing through my body, my lungs heaving and my head whirling. My face puckered and I scrunched up my nose, not letting anymore tears to fall. Why did I dream of him? Why did I dream of my crush from Hawaii? Maybe because he cared about me and used to love me. I still missed him dearly and treasured every picture of us. Without thinking anymore about him, I drifted slowly back to sleep.

I still remember all the memories we share,  
I can recall our times sitting in front of the TV,  
Watching Saturday morning cartoons.  
I remember eating macaroni and cheese and pretending we were cheese monsters.  
I remember you telling me stories while I lay in my bed,  
Preparing me to drift away into the dark sky and to float with the stars.  
You told me that someday you would see me grow up and leave from home to travel,  
That you would be the first person to get a postcard from me.  
You made me promise.  
But now,  
After life has passed on,  
I live the life as a teenager.  
A selfless girl with the strength to fight on.  
I earned that will from you.  
Except you can't bare the weight of your own life.  
You've kept me afloat all those years,  
Like you had to continuously blow up my torn float I used at the beach during the summer.  
But all your efforts only weaken you further,  
You can't afford to remember your past,  
Like you couldn't remember where you put the milk.  
Your bones too weak to keep you standing,  
Like I couldn't when I broke my knee.  
But now I can stand,  
My knee has healed.  
I can remember, you left the milk on the table.  
I can stay afloat,  
I've duck-taped my float.  
All that's wrong and hasn't changed is your suffering.  
Though your pain can never drift away like me slipping away into a deep dream.  
It's now a nightmare.  
Those once gorgeous brown eyes that twinkled like the stars are now lost and black,  
The black emptiness brings rivers of sadness from my eyes,  
Never stopping during its steady course,  
Tears pouring out like waterfalls,  
Waterfalls never ending or stopping.  
I squeeze your hand while I look at you in bed.  
I stare at your wrinkled face,  
The color of ivory and crinkled like paper.  
You've ripped my heart out,  
Like the letter I ripped into pieces,  
The one I wrote at your bedside while I watched your dry lips close for the last time.  
Your eyes fading away as you take your last breath.  
My everything is gone now,  
You slipped through my fingers and left,  
Leaving me alone and empty.  
Years passed since death,  
Death a mystery and horrid.  
You used to tuck me in at night,  
But I did this time and said good-night.  
You now drifted away into the stars to rest forever,  
The only thing you forgot is me,  
But I never gave you my first postcard.

I was shaken awake from my second dream to get up for school. The dream terrified me, why did I dream of that? Who was I even dreaming about? My heart was hammering against my ribs and my head was matted with sweat. I wanted to get out of bed and get ready for school, but I didn't have the strength. I laid in my bed, gathering my thoughts and trying to make sense of it all, but I couldn't process them. I was worried about what I dreamed about. Sometimes, I would see déjà vu in my dreams while I was sleeping and it would happen later in the future. Would these things happen in the future?

With 2 weeks left of school, I was so excited about going home to the US. I wanted to leave so badly at the time and see my family and friends, but I had to finish up my time here and I wanted to leave being remembered. I wanted to say good-bye to all my friends and move on with my life. The only problem was that in my heart, I felt strings still attached to the world I had lived while at ISKL. I would miss swimming, my supporters, and my past 3 years of life. I would always have these memories treasured in my heart forever, no matter how bad because. I would know not to make those same mistakes.

School was now like a second part of me. Usually, all that was on my mind was school, swimming, and my recent friend issues, but with all the chaos around our house, that wasn't the top thing on my to- do list. My first priority for me was cleaning and packing out my room. I wanted to make sure everything near and dear to my heart was out away neatly, properly, and carefully. My pictures, drawings, trinkets, and stories were cramped together into tight, small boxes that were shoved into a hot, packed van. I was sad when I was watching all my memories and life be thrown into boxes that could be lost. My friend's family moved to Germany and lost everything during the move, their furniture and their memories. I couldn't bear to live without the life I had lived. Tears welled up in my eyes as all my art, books, and music was stuffed away and out the door.

My room was then empty but a bed, dresser, and desk. There were no more trinkets or drawings displayed on the now empty shelves. There were no pictures of my best friends upon the wall. Just a plain white wall remained with nothing hanging on it. It felt lonely and forgotten like me. The room didn't matter to me, it was the memories that were once in it.

The days started to blend together, I no longer could keep track of what was going on and what was happening. I couldn't focus on school and some of my grades were dropping. Swimming was becoming more challenging since my head wasn't in the game at all, it was digging through my personal files, trying to figure and sort things out. I was at a dead end, unable to go on or continue, I was stuck. The only thing keeping me going was my family back home. Everyone in the USA was so excited to finally see us after forever. I couldn't wait to see my grandparents and my best friend Jordan. She still tried to email me after all this time. I loved her for her effort and caring heart she gave for someone who couldn't give her anything in return. What had I done to deserve such a compassionate friend? Yet, through thick and thin these last few weeks, I managed to remain OK.

One day, I was in the library after school waiting for swimming practice to start. I sat next to Brat working on my computer. We were at a truce to be speaking. We didn't really want to fight before I left, but we didn't quite have the friendship we had before. We wanted to put it behind us, but this type of drama isn't hard to forget. I would never forget what had happened between us, it damaged me and my heart.

Anyways, we were both working on our homework and we kept our email up in case some friend or random person started chatting. I hadn't done a lot of chatting these days. I personally just didn't like talking to a lot of people anymore. Ever since the chat between Brat and I, email isn't something I check very often anymore since two certain someone's could send me a threat that would make me go crazy.

For those of you who are reading this, as you know and probably are a little annoyed by is the fact that I am very sensitive and extremely insecure. I also am very impractical and expectant. I worry over the smallest things and listen to a lot more than some people know, so I'm not stupid for you thinking that I am way too dramatic, because I am. I have every right to be due from this experience. I have been through hell and I have had a rough time getting through this rough patch of my life, hopefully it will pass. Anyways, back to my story.

I don't like to snoop, I hate betraying people that way, but I can be sneaky at times. In this case, this was an accident. Brat and I were quietly talking about school and what we did in our free time. It was harder to talk to Brat since it was hard to trust anyone now. I didn't want to fall all over again and go through the pain I had felt for a long time. As we chatted quietly and worked more on our homework, she pulled up her email window and I accidentally saw an email that had a subject about me. It said something like _Blossom's Surprise_. I didn't know what to think. Was she gossiping behind my back and then she was going to prank me somehow? I got nervous sitting next to her at that moment. Hopefully, she didn't notice. I felt my hands shake into each other as she sat next to me like nothing had happening. The atmosphere in the room had completely changed and she didn't even acknowledge it.

She quickly closed out once she saw my head dart down to my seat. She didn't make a comment or an accusation, she just turned back to her work. I, on the other hand, couldn't focus on anything but the email. I sighed as I built up the courage to ask her what the email was about. I may sound snobby and all with asking people about their emails. It's like reading their diary and them catching you and taking it away while saying 'None of your business'. This email was about me though, and I figured I had a right to ask about an email relating to me. So, I looked up into her big brown eyes and asked,

"What was that about?"

"What?"

"The email about me. What was it about?"

She sighed and closed her eyes. She slowly opened them and looked at me with a guilty expression. She could have been guilty about talking about me behind my back or she could have been guilty about blowing her own cover and blowing it for whoever else was involved. I felt the anger bubbling inside me as the heat rose to my face, like a pot of boiling water, but I probably looked more like a ripe tomato. I didn't even think about what she had said.

"Your friends and I are throwing you a go-away sleepover party," she said slowly with a blank expression. "We wanted it to be a surprise."

I just stared at her like she hit me with a bus. I didn't know what to say. Why would she want to go to my party? She hated my guts and I knew it. Thankfully, she explained that over the weekend after swimming practice on Saturday, Bubbles was going to take me to the party. All my swimming friends were coming and my school friends were coming too. We would all have a great time and enjoy my last few weeks having fun. It sounds so unrealistic for my life right now, but. I got really excited. Now, my mom and I talked about throwing a party, but we had been so busy, we hadn't put the thought into action. This was a huge surprise. I was speechless.

Before swimming practice started, I cornered Bubbles and Buttercup; my two best swimming buddies and asked them what was going on. They smiled a phony grin and I demanded yet again what was going on. At first they acted innocent and said they hadn't had a clue what I was talking about. When I began to throw out facts I knew their fake smiles disappeared. After I explained the information I had just learned and the message sank in, they said that Brat had fibbed since Bubbles was taking me shopping, not throwing a party. At first, I wouldn't have been fooled by them, but because Brat and Brute had been going behind my back, I didn't know who to believe. With my past relationship with them, us being enemies, I decided that Brat had lied to me to make me look like an idiot in front of people asking them if they planned a party for me. So I let the subject drop.


	15. Chapter 14: Friends Who Want To Have Fun

By the time Saturday came, I was jumping out of my skin. I was psyched to be hanging out with Bubbles and have some fun for a change. My parents said it was OK since it would be one of my last weekends with her, though I didn't recognize my parents anymore. They were both so overworked and exhausted by the time I came home from practice. All the two of them did was clean, pack, and organize the move 24/7, we didn't spend much quality time together anymore. It was always work and no play, just an amazing and huge amount of stress. So, hanging with some friends could drop my stress level of 100 to 50. It would be amazing to feel the weight of worry lift off my shoulders like a bird flying off a weak branch. I felt weak and tired, but nowadays, I really didn't want to feel anything. I'm so tired of feeling. The thing is, your life is full of emotion, you can't hide from feeling no matter what it is. You have to face it or embrace it, and that's how it works.

During swim practice, I could hardly focus due to the excitement flowing through my muscles. I felt like I was flying through the water from all the happiness my heart was filled with. My feet were kicking harder and my arms were pulling me through the water faster. I was swimming like a bullet and I was never going to slow down. After practice ended, I would have felt exhausted and sleepy, but I was bursting with so much energy that I could do practice 5 times more. I had enough energy to swim another 1000 lengths of the pool, to swim for 6 hours longer.

Bubbles and I walked to the front of the school and her mom picked us up in the car, which held Otto and herself. Bubbles mother was always so sweet and nice. She was stern, but she was one of the nicest mom's I had ever met. She had Bubbles' blue, big wide eyes and wavy dirty blonde hair that was always in a bun. Her smile was always reassuring and happy. Otto was Bubbles' little brother. He was short since he was only slightly older than a toddler and he had blonde hair too. He had one of the cutest smiles ever and always looked at me with his beautiful eyes and always talked about movies and such. Once the car pulled up, Bubbles and I hopped in the backseat. Otto immediately started talking right away, but his mother shushed him and asked us how practice went. He dipped his head from guilt, but smiled. We both talked about how long practice was and how excited we were. I was practically bouncing in my seat. Spending time with Bubbles was all I could ever ask for to be happy.

The reason why I hadn't brought Bubbles up before is because she wasn't relevant to my story before. She was in the popular group and I wasn't, it was as simple as that. The reason why we were friends was because she was in my class in fifth grade and she swims with me, so we had grown to love each other and create a tighter friendship bond.

The ride to her house was long since her housing residence was up in the mountains somewhere, but it was a beautiful, scenic drive. We passed through neighborhoods with houses that were small, but the neighborhoods being huge. There weren't a lot of trees on the hills, but a lot of roads with twists and turns. Eventually, after making our way up the hilly roads and getting around the neighborhoods, we finally made one last turn into a complex of housing. I had been here a couple of times and the houses were as big as ever. They were white and dark brown with beautiful state of the art windows that were large and glossy. All the houses rested quietly on a huge mountain overlook where we could see the many smaller houses below from anywhere within the complex. The complex was so peaceful and beautiful compared to the area we lived in. The houses were all single-family homes and Bubbles' house was always gorgeous to walk into. Even with each one decorated according to the style of homeowners, all of them had a different, but similar beauty.

Once we pulled into the driveway of their sleek looking house, I climbed out of the backseat and grabbed my duffel bag with all my swimming stuff in it. My first thought of the house she lived in was how we got stuck with an old apartment, but our families had different jobs. Her dad was a little like a researching and worked two hours away. I still wished I could live here and I wished we could hang out more often, but we had different schedules, and to be apparent, different social groups. It sounds so stupid and dumb, but that's how it works in middle school. So as I stepped through the tall, dark door, I immediately gasped as I gazed in awe at their house. The windows were full length and on one side led outside to their private pool while the other faced a fence where a small yard was. The light blazed brilliantly through the glass and reflected off the white pearly tiles that covered the bottom floor. I always loved this room since the windows gazed out over the crystal clear water that was reflected off by the beautiful golden rays of the bright beaming sun. I could stay in that pool for hours just staring up at its glorious perfection.

I was knocked out of my daydream once I saw Bunny race towards me with one of her biggest grins I had seen her wear. She had long, wavy brown hair that reached halfway across her chest. She had dark purple eyes and always had a cute smile. She was one of my best friends and I always forgot that until now. Everyone knew her as in seen her before and knows her because of her being 'crazy'. She was always weird in a quirky way, but I loved her for being different. She wasn't only funny, but she was smart and extremely nice to everyone. I wished that nobody would make fun of her when she didn't realize because she was only expressing herself. Expressing yourself in front of everyone is not easy. She had some guts and I wish I could learn how to be like her.

Bunny crossed the floor in a sprint and captured me in a huge bear hug. I squeezed back and couldn't understand why she was here. I thought that I was only hanging out with Bubbles. Once Bunny stepped back, Bubbles came forward and explained that she fibbed to keep the party a secret. There really was a party and we were going to have a sleepover. We were going to hang out here, then go to Buttercup's house and have a sleepover. I suddenly felt a shock of electricity pulse through me. I had never been to BC's house before. She was considered really popular in my grade and every other grade in our school. She was really tall and pretty and was one of the fastest swimmers on the whole team and she was so nice to everyone, no matter who they were. How does she live her life when she isn't at school? That I wondered. I had met her parents before and I liked them a lot too. Why was I so nervous then?

After Bunny and Bubbles got me settled down, we feasted on Bubbles' mom's homemade waffles. I scarfed down bite after bite, swallowed waffle after waffle. These were my absolute favorite food to eat when I came over to their house. They were so good, they could win first place at a food competition. We ate it while talking constantly about what we were doing that this afternoon. We were all jumping up and down in our seats with so much excitement.

After we finished eating the waffles, we all headed to their recreational room. They used it for painting, watching TV, etc. It was spacious with a window that you could see their pool through. The room had a feel of being cozy and relaxing. We would usually stay in here when I came over or head upstairs to the computer room. Once we sat down at the working table, Bubbles' mom set a huge white canvas on the top of the table. She grabbed some green and blue paint and some paintbrushes from a plastic bag. I wondered what we were doing or making. Thankfully, she then explained that we were all going to pitch in and make a farewell board for me to take with me back to the US. I felt a flutter of warmth in my heart and I felt it radiate throughout my body. I felt hopeful at the moment. These were people who cared about me. I felt lucky to have them on my side. I felt loved.

So, as soon as she explained our objective, we started painting the edge a dark shade of blue. Then we painted the inside of the edging a really pretty shade of green. My hands moved the brush along a nice straight line, making the surface perfectly smooth. I felt touched that they knew exactly what my favorite colors were. We made sure it was neatly painted and that all the edges were even before we packed up our bags and walked outside to the car. We hopped in the backseat and we were on our way to BC's House. As we drove there, I gazed into the trunk where my board sat. I felt my worries disappear, for the first time in weeks.

Over the last few weeks, I have been so stressed about everything, about the move, my dad's deployment, and my friendships. Now, not only did I not have to think about it, but I could forget it just by my friends telling me they'll miss me. Every time the said those words, my heart would drop, but my self-esteem would rise, for the first time. I had been sad all this time and my self-esteem would fall over and over and over again. I felt happy and free, for the first time all this year.

After about 45 minutes of driving, we turned off the highway onto a road that led into another housing complex. This area wasn't as secluded as Bubbles' place, but still really high end. I stared in awe at the enormous houses we passed as we turned down different streets and roads. They were really tall and incredibly fancy looking. As we turned down the last street, I felt my heart jump as we stopped in the driveway of a three-story house. It was very modern and slim with it's own private pool as well. I couldn't help but notice the beautiful pool mostly due to swimming full time. I sat in my seat for a few seconds before I finally stepped onto the dark pavement. I never took my eyes off the glamorous house, even when I grabbed my bag from the trunk. After staring at it intently, I finally stepped awkwardly towards the door, the smooth white door. My heart was racing, I couldn't wait to see BC.

All of us were huddled in the doorway as we knocked on the door. After waiting a few moments, the door opened and a smiling BC answered with her mom standing behind her. She was tall like the rest of her family was. Her high school brother thought I was a second grader when I first met him though I was a sixth grader. Her younger brother was almost as tall as me at the time. I felt miniature standing next to all of them. BC had raven black hair that was wavy and that fell just below her shoulders. She had really light green eyes and a thin face. She was a really good swimmer like Bubbles and I, which was actually interesting. Just for a fact, all of our swim team members have big feet. Every single person has big feet for their size, including me. BC and Bubbles were both faster than I was, but then everyone was.

When we were invited and welcomed inside adequately and we ran up to her room, all of us got settled in rather quickly, we set to work on completing my board with details and notes. We used her craft supplies from her mom's personal craft room and some supplies that she had just bought.

I remembered what my first reaction was to her house. Their living room was the first thing you saw. It was staged like a magazine and looked like a designer house, not a family house. The furniture was matched with several different color tones that blended and contrasted enough for your eyes to not hurt. The furniture was simple but elegant and the walls were covered in pictures from years past. Then came the kitchen and the dining room. The dining room was simple but matched the same similar style as the living room. The kitchen wrapped around the remaining parts of the house. The cabinets were modern and sleek which were covered in glossy white material that made them super smooth. The appliances were stainless steel and the countertops were covered in bags of treats that Bunny had brought with her for us to eat later that night.

Once we headed upstairs to BC's bedroom, I stopped breathing. Her bedroom had a desk sticking out from the wall. To the left of it was her bed, which was covered in a canopy that folded over the blankets of her unmade bed. There were shelves of books in the back corner of her room, which had glare coming off from the sun shining through her windows. Her room felt lived in compared to the rest of the house. It made me feel more comfortable despite my underdressed appearance.

When we started crafting, I felt like I was at home. We wrote messages all over the board and decorated it with ribbon, stickers, tissue paper, and all sorts of other craft materials. The colors blended and created rainbows that were jumping off the canvas, the notes they wrote touched my heart and nearly sent my heart to give out. By the time we finished, it looked beautiful. It had all sorts of personal touches and stories I'll remember and treasure. All we needed then was pictures; I would have to take care of that later.

Since we finished, we headed upstairs to their large entertainment room. It had a ton of speakers lining the perimeter of the huge Plasma TV with shelves of movies lining all the walls in the room. I felt like I was in the archives of a Hollywood Studio. I took everything in, the walls, the TV, and the memories. I would remember. Once we got ourselves comfortable with a movie and all the snacks Bunny brought, we huddled close together on top of the large pile of blankets we brought out of the closet at the back of the room. We were settled on top of at least three blankets. I smiled at the fact that. I was having the most fun I had ever had in a very long time. We chatted through the previews, but we all hushed up once the movie 'Little Fockers' started.


	16. Chapter 15: Reality Check For Me

I awoke from the light beams of light streaming through the windows, I smiled at my friends sleeping soundlessly next to me. I took in a deep breath and peered around my surroundings of the room. I felt amazing due to the fun night the four of us had had. I felt my heart beating at a slow pace as I silently got up from the bed to get to my bag. I got my brush out and pulled vigorously through my tough snarls that growled in response to my intense amount of weight I was pulling with. Once I finished brushing, my hair was frizzy but soft. It puffed out everywhere, I couldn't handle it when my hair was frizzy, so I rushed to their bathroom and wet it so it lay flat. As soon as I got back to the room, I sat back down on the bed and lay on the soft pillow where my head had rested on the night before.

As soon as I found out that my friends were throwing me a party, I secretly hoped that Brute, Brat, and Robin would be there too. They were still my friends and I was leaving soon. Having them here would have been fun and I could make up with them. That's when I realized that the whole time I had experienced spending time with these three amazing girls, that I hadn't thought or worried about my personal problems at all. I felt my heart beat to the wings of freedom and my head soar with newfound love for carelessness and fun. Having these emotions only for one night seemed sad to me. That's when I just noticed how depressed I had been for the last 2 months or so. Without having my other friends there was better than I thought it would be.

I love Robin as a really close friend, but she was connected to my problems. I felt bad for thinking it, but I was happy she wasn't there. It was nice escaping reality for a split second only to realize that it was only fantasy and that you can't eat junk everyday or stay up until one in the morning watching movies. You can't have weekend's full time and you can't talk to your friends face-to-face 24/7. So tomorrow would be Monday and I had to go back to my problems, my enemies, and my depression, which was something I desperately wanted to run away from. The only thing is that you can't run away from your problems.


	17. Chapter 16: My Last Day

Once I got to school, I immediately felt my face pucker from the pricks of tears forming in my pink eyes. This would be the last time I walk up to the entrance of the school, walking up those brick steps through the beautiful fountain surrounded by a huge luscious garden. I still remembered the times where I sat listening to my music, waiting for school to start. I would sit on the stone bench and watch the water flow through the calm waters of the pond. I would miss the days where I walked aimlessly around the school, walking wherever I wanted to without worrying about everything going on in my crazy, upside-down world. I would miss eating lunch by the garden on the sixth grade deck. I would always remember the sound of the rain pattering down on the green, exotic trees and the droplets touching the small creek flowing through it for the first time. The rain dripping down into the earth and it's core. Most of all, I would really miss my friends and swimming in the beautiful, clear water.

My time was out and I had to say good-bye, give my last farewell to the people who stood by me all this time. I had to float away down the stream of tears I had shed, wave with a happy smile on my face, though on the inside, I was crumbling. My friends who cared about me would make it extremely hard to say good-bye, to say that I would miss them. I didn't want to leave them, they were the reasons why I didn't want to go yet. My enemies weren't going to miss me, they would be happy I was gone. You would think that I wanted to move as far away from them as possible, not caring what happened to them, or be sad that I would leave them too. This is true, but I felt deep down inside me that I needed to at least get us on terms where I could be smiling and laughing with them again, where I wouldn't be hurt or stabbed in the back. I had to fix what I had done to our friendship, I needed to heal for them.

I walked to my locker, carrying my cupcakes for my farewell party. We were going to watch Kung Fu Panda 2 while we feasted upon whatever anyone brought us. When I got to my locker, I nearly dropped the cupcakes when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I caught them in the nick of time and spun around to see who frightened me. My tense body relaxed at seeing the sight of Robin. She was smiling and showed very little sadness to the problems that kept bothering her. Her family was still continuing to fight and Portia, her past friend, had abandoned her completely. Despite all this, she managed to keep herself together and smile as though she had no issues to pull her down. Whereas with me, I can't help but be depressed and cry about my issues, or punch my pillow at night and scream into it from the anger I felt embedded in my raging heart.

I was always sad and angry about whoever tormented me or teased me because I was so sensitive, though I try to keep myself together and try to not show any weakness in front of them. A lot of people may think I'm stupid to be so quiet and not hear anything they say, but I listen and I usually don't join conversations because I think that they're boring or dumb. I've heard a lot of things I don't want to listen to, and the thing I don't want to listen to is the conversation Brat and Brute were having while passing me in the hallway, glaring at Robin and me. I almost glared back, but stopped myself before I threw the cupcakes at their heads too. Instead, I looked down at my feet and took a deep breath in to calm myself. It was going to be a long day.

The moment Robin left to go to class, I started pulling and taking down all sorts of decorations, magnets, and memories that were plastered all over my door. I held the pictures in hand while staring at the happy faces of myself and my friends doing activities I wouldn't do again. Whatever happened to the girl I used to be, the girl who was adventurous and exciting? Did she still even exist? With the pictures, my hands trembled. I felt a surge of tears coming about, so I stuffed them away into my folder. I packed up my binders and folders I never used and zipped up my bag. Once I managed to push my bag into the back of the locker, I locked up and walked down the hallway to class.

Every class was going by faster than I could keep track. It seemed as if when I sat down, I would just get up to leave for my next class. All my classes were moving at a speed I didn't like, moving forward without me keeping up, me falling behind. I desperately wanted to live every last moment, but my time was close to gone. My first few periods were flying by until Humanities. While walking to class, my head was looking down so you couldn't see my face shielded with my long hair. This was the class I feared most. I could feel glares burning into my back. I suspected they came from Brat and Brute though I didn't dare turn around. They had to ruin my last day, how thoughtful of them. I continued walking with them at my heels, following me in unison down the hallways. With making some turns down corridors, I finally reached my locker. I quickly spun my combo and grabbed my binders, trying to get away from them and sit in the safety of the room. Even though they were in the same class, I was actually safer since my teacher knew what was going on between us. She found out a long time ago when we weren't even on speaking terms.

I scurried down the hallway to the classroom with fear and worry striking my heart. When I reached the door, I turned the knob to the classroom. I immediately felt the familiar blast of the cold air surround me like a velvet blanket. I felt my shoulders drop from my sudden moment of relaxation. After taking the coolness in, I sat down in my seat. I pushed me books into the cupboard of the table and rested my sulking head on top of my folded arms.

As soon as class starts, I knew it was going to be the longest period of the day. I took a deep breath and rested my head on top of my arms. I looked over at Robin who was sitting next to me, she looked back at me solemnly. I looked up quickly at the clock on the wall. It hadn't even been five minutes though it felt like hours. I was extremely worried about meeting Brat and Brute outside. We were going to meet and try reasoning before I left, but I knew it was too late for that. My head was about to explode from the pressure I felt, the butterflies in my stomach made me want to throw up. I felt the tears coming, but I forced them down. I wouldn't cry in front of them, I wouldn't show any weakness to make them only stronger.

I continued to feel their glares throughout the period. Hesitantly, I turned to my right where Brat was sitting. She turned to me and gave me an icy glare. I pulled back and looked to my left and saw Brute giving me a death stare. I cringe and look away. While trying to focus on the lesson, I felt them boring into my soul. My head was whirling with questions and answers, but I was so stressed, I couldn't manage to put them anywhere. Why was I fighting them now? Why was I standing up for something that wasn't a big deal? Why couldn't I face them and win? I think we all know the answers, guts.


	18. Chapter 17: A Final Farewell

As soon as class ended, I stumbled outside and panted hard. It was already hot outside, but the classroom seemed even hotter despite the air conditioning. My knees were shaking and I felt my head spin with nausea. I walked unsteadily down the hallway to my locker and nearly fell on my face from my weird walk. I twisted in my combo slowly and carefully, making sure I didn't mess up. After getting my Chinese materials plus my cupcakes, I tried hurrying off to class but stopped in my tracks once I saw Robin. She nodded at me and I responded by almost collapsing on the floor. We were meeting with Brat and Brute and she had arranged for it. We talked about this the day before. I nodded back at her and we walked together down the hallway to a reasonable place.

So after we found a place to meet underneath the stairs, we caught Brat and Brute walking by fast, as if they didn't notice us. I scoffed in response to this because I had known they wouldn't want this. Robin got up off the ground and ran after them. When she left, I almost got up to run away, to get to class and hide. Once Robin came back with a squirming Brat and Brute within her strong grip, we all sat down on the ground. We all stared awkwardly at one another for a moment until Robin spoke. All they did was look down at their knees and fiddle with their fingers. They didn't say a single word until I spoke up. I wanted to know what was going on with our friendship. We fired back and forth at each other while people walked by. I didn't even care at the moment. As soon as I got tired of this game of love and hate we played, I stalked off with my Chinese books in hand and walked to class. I didn't look back at the two of them, I didn't want to see the dirt I was friends with.

Once I entered the classroom, I smiled. There were plates of treats and drinks that everyone brought in. The guys were chatting while the girls were gossiping. Some classmates were dancing to the music and some were laughing at each other. My smile grew even bigger once I realized how much fun this was going to be and that everyone was enjoying themselves. I even noticed that they made me a class farewell card. After getting over the massive amount of excitement in my heart, I walked over to the board to where Amy was with Jamie, some classmates. I grabbed a purple marker and started writing Chinese characters on the board. I wrote hello, good-bye, and love on the board in characters. I was startled once I felt something touch me on the arm. I whirled around and looked to my left and saw Brute standing there, staring at me with her brown eyes. She hefted them right into my eyes and said something I didn't expect.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

As soon as she walked across the room and out the door, I acted like nothing had happened even though my heart stopped beating. This was something that was extremely surprising. I had no idea of what to think. She just apologized, she had surrendered to the weakest person fighting the fight. All I did was say what felt too.

"I'm sorry too," I said really quietly so no one heard or thought I was talking to myself.

As soon as the crazy, excited class settled down with a napkin full of cookies, candy, and goodies galore, we popped in the movie and watched silently. I couldn't help feeling happy at her comment despite how little a difference it made. We still weren't really friends anymore and I wouldn't truly forgive her. But just the idea made me feel less depressed. I felt like the tough time was over and that a new dawn would rise.

As soon as the school day ended, I ran to my locker. The day finally came to a close, and I wanted to get out of here before I started crying in front of everyone. Before I even started packing up the last bits and pieces of my locker, a bunch of my friends crowded around me. I felt my vision go blurry the second I saw their smiling faces. I breathed out a huge sigh and hugged each of them so tight. I didn't want to let go. I made sure that I got a picture of every single one of them before they left for the buses. I wanted to remember each of their faces, to never forget everything and everyone I had grown to love and care for.

Once I saw Brute, I felt the tears streak down my face. I probably looked like a hot mess to everyone. I felt embarrassed, but who cares what I looked like since I wasn't going to see these people again. I didn't think about Brat not showing up to see me off. It was typical of her nowadays to leave me behind. So seeing Brute made me feel better. We may not be friends anymore, but she cared enough to say goodbye. I hugged her and gave one of the last leftover cupcakes. She smiled and I attempted a smile causing us both to laugh.

After she left for home, Robin grabbed me so tight I almost fell over. I laughed and pulled her tighter in embrace. We both cried gently into each other's shoulders, not willing to ever let go. I didn't want to leave her behind. After moments of silence, we broke apart and looked into each other's eyes, knowing it would be okay.

Once everyone left, I headed towards the Administration Office where I would get my school file to take with me back to the US. That's when I ran into Bubbles. She smiled and offered to come and walk with me to keep me company since her mom was picking her up later. We talked up a conversation while I packed up the files and stuff into my bag. We walked side by side to the parking lot where my mom would be waiting. Of all the people I knew here, I would miss her the most. She was the greatest friend I could ever have here. She understood me and supported me the whole time, never letting me fall. I wished I knew her better.

As we sat down on the benches by the car pickup, she pulled out two journals. She gave them to me and said she got them for me as a farewell present. I sighed as I felt more tears line my cheeks. I put them aside and hugged her tightly, thanking her for more than just the journals, but for being a great friend. She meant the world to me.

That's when my mom showed up in the car. My brother sat in the backseat of the car in his school uniform. Once I stood up to go, I hugged her tightly. I rested my head into her shoulder as more tears fell. I embraced her completely before letting go one last time. With one final wave, I turned towards the car. I looked back one last time at my school and Bubbles before hopping in my seat. I peered around one last time to get one last glimpse of my school before it faded behind the trees.

**So there it is, part one is finally completed. My goal is to have 50,000 words after this and I write all of it offline, then post it after it is completed. So, part two will be about my life back in the US, the way my life is now. So yeah, won't update for a long time, but keep reading on!**


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